Plies keeps it BEYOND 100 in his song, “F*cking Or What?” , where he explicitly asks his date whether or not they’re having sex. While Plies is notorious for being brutally honest, this song in particular takes the cake. When I heard verse two where he states:
“I ain’t tryna waste your time baby,
I just ain’t with the pump faking.”
I really began to think…
First about wtf “pump faking” is, but secondly about how I could totally identify with his concerns about wasting time.
If there’s one thing that I’ve become more protective of as I’ve gotten older, it’s my time.
I literally cringe at the idea of wasting it. Maybe it’s because at almost thirty years old I truly understand the priceless value of time & energy.
Well one of the most notorious and surefire ways to waste time is to spend any amount of it circulating the singles dating scene. Single people everywhere exert their time, energy, & money to get acquainted with people who they may never see again. So in the interest of making the most of my time and precious energy, I have initiated my quest to minimize the bullshit (without completely giving up on dating). How am I going to do this, you ask? Well, by adopting the age old principle of
keeping it 100.
Or in the words of Drake, “keep it 8 less than 92 with me, 100.”
Example: Let’s say you meet a guy and realize very early into your date that you just want to have sex with him and not take it any further. In the spirit of keeping it 100, you let him know that you want no strings attached sex BEFORE getting him naked and definitely before planning the second date. Is this approach a bit brash? Maybe. Is it effective? Well, there’s only one way to find out. For all you know, homeboy could have been thinking the same thing but didn’t want to feel like an asshole by saying it first.
Now I’m not saying you need to put all of your chips on the table right away, but sometimes ambiguity and poker faces set us up for disappointment and a lot of wasted time. One of the easiest ways to hurt someone’s feelings is to tell them one thing but allow your actions to say something else.
Example: Telling a guy that you’re looking forward to seeing him again, when you know that there’s zero chance that you’ll ever hit him up in the future. NOW…there is one exception: If you ever feel like your safety is in danger, by all means, say whatever you need to make it out of his apartment at The Flamingo.
Also remember that keeping it 100 is NOT a free pass to be disrespectful or rude. I believe that any emotionally intelligent adult is capable of expressing themselves in an honest way without being nasty or condescending.
Am I saying that keeping it 100 will be the answer to all of your dating woes? Nope. It might not be the solution to mine either, but it’s an out-of-the-box concept that I personally want to take for a test drive. After employing the same tactics and getting the same results, I am completely open to trying alternative approaches to surviving the hellish purgatory that is: the dating scene.
What do you think? Is brutal honesty overrated? Feel free to comment below!
“Be honest, brutally honest. That is what’s going to maintain relationships.” -Lauryn Hill