The last two introverts I dated both claimed to be the “cat” of the relationship…
…And as much as I wanted to deny it, naturally, I was always the extroverted puppy.
After looking into an article explaining the mechanics behind the mind of an introvert, I realized that literally EVERY guy I’ve dated has been a “cat”…and of course, none of my relationships with “cats” have ever been successful. Ironically enough, I have a severe, real-life allergy to cats—which might be God’s not-so-subtle way of throwing me a hint.
According a Huffington Post article titled, ‘Are You A Cat Or A Dog in Relationships?’:
You may be dog if you:
1. Need a lot of attention.
Example: Regular daily texts, public displays of affection, love being loved etc.
2. Fall in love easily
Example: Every person you meet has the potential to be the one. You are sensitive and believe in love.
3. Experience real heartbreak
Example: When you go through a breakup — you are a mess. You either isolate yourself for days and then hit the bars hoping that the best way to get over someone is get under someone else.
4. Love taking care of others
Example: You are generally always the caregiver.
5.You are a people pleaser.
Example: You enjoy keeping the peace in your relationship and tend to do thoughtful things for your partner.
You may be a cat if:
1. You are independent.
Example: You love being on your own and love having the freedom to do whatever you want, when you want.
2. You expect to be treated well.
Example: You know that you deserve the best and are willing to wait for it.
3. Only a few people are really close to you.
Example: You are great at keeping secrets and tend to be a bit guarded in relationships.
4. Your partner caters to you.
Example: In relationships, your partner tends to go out of their way to do things for you. You enjoy it and that’s the way it should be.
5. You like companionship but on your terms
Example: You can only cuddle on the couch for so long, you tend to feel smothered if someone gives you too much, too fast.
Those ‘cat vs. dog’ comparisons were spot on descriptions of my past relationships. So the real question is, do opposites really attract? Or should dogs stick with dogs and cats with cats?
In order to answer this question I had to evaluate my attraction to the inverse of my personality. Why was I so attracted to “cat men”?
Here’s my theory:
Looking back, I feel like the “cats” I’ve dated have gravitated towards the energetic, outgoing transparency of my personality; because it’s contrasting to their own. I also believe that since I tend to lay all of my emotional yarn on the table, cats are amused by it—until they get irritable or bored.
On the other hand, my inner “puppy” is attracted to the strength, independence, and ambiguity that cats radiate. They seem to always be in control of their environment and emotional state (key word being SEEM). Deep down, my desire to be less emotionally predictable, and vulnerable is probably what attracts me to the elusive personality of the “cat man”.
So while I haven’t figured it all out, I do believe that people are attracted to traits in others that they do not possess within themselves. However, just because someone has personality traits that you aspire to obtain, that doesn’t mean you’re romantically compatible with them. Sometimes the traits that initially intrigue us about people can be the ones that end up hurting us or driving us insane. So while I don’t believe that opposites CAN’T attract, I do believe that there’s a lot more to the meshing of contrasted personalities than we want to believe.
Ultimately, finding a way to attain the personality characteristics that we’re missing, within ourselves, seems to be a lot more beneficial than just seeking a partner who has them.
“A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.”