NOT EVERY MAN-TLE CAN SUPPORT A TROPHY.
Today I’m writing this post as an editorial retraction to the #TrophyHusbandGoals hashtag I created & promoted earlier this year.
I’ve since realized that my philosophy was complete bullshit.
If you’ve been following my Instagram account or prior blog posts, you might have seen that hashtag littered throughout my posts and photo captions. My lazy tagline, which should have said it’s okay to mask your insecurities with narcissistic affirmations, was “…trophy husband goals are about being confident, feeling sexy, and knowing that you’re worthy of being placed on a mantle piece.”
In retrospect, I am realizing that there were some MASSIVE holes in my logic.
My first mistake was spending so much time trying to become the perfect “trophy” boyfriend that I never examined the stability of the “mantle piece” I was trying to settle myself upon. I’ve since learned that not every man-tle is strong enough to sustain the weight of a trophy.
It wasn’t until I had done everything in my power to be the perfect “trophy” for someone and watched my relationship fall apart anyway, that I realized…maybe I wasn’t the problem after all. I had spent countless hours wondering what I did wrong or what I was lacking until it hit me: My ex’s shitty actions were an outward expression of his own character; not a reflection of my worth or value.
If we’re not careful, we can fall down the slippery slope of believing that the number of squats we do, or porn star moves we try, or educational accolades we attain, will add value to us as romantic partners, or even as people. The truth is that I’ve always had what it takes to be a “trophy” just by being myself.
Aaron Neville sang it best in the early 90’s remake of “Everybody Plays The Fool” with the chorus, “Everybody plays the fool, sometimes, there’s no exception to the rule…” What he’s saying, quite literally, is that EVERYONE get’s dragged through the mud; no matter how much of a “perfect” partner they are. When people we love do unwarranted, shitty things to us, we’re usually right in believing that we didn’t deserve it. Getting cheated on, lied to, and deceived are cruel facts of life that even the BEST boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s in the world are subject to. Look, if it happened to Halle Berry & Beyoncé, it can happen to any of us…and that’s okay.
In the wake of my epiphany, the only hashtags I’ll be promoting today will be #NeverForgetThatYouAlwaysHaveBeenATrophy and #DontSettleForLessThanYouDeserve.
All we can do in life is try to walk in love & truth; even if it’s not always reciprocated. I know that the dating scene struggle is real, but trust me, once you learn your worth, you’ll find it much more difficult to settle for less than you deserve.